At a discussion hosted by the Lincoln-Sudbury chapter of SADD (Students Against Destructive Decisions) on Tuesday, parents got a rare opportunity to ask students candid questions about their views on substance use and abuse.

In a testament to the challenging nature of the topic, more than 70 parents and a carefully selected panel of 11 students, aged 15 to 18, were seated in two different rooms. Questions and answers were passed back and forth via a broadcasting system that disguised speakers’ voices. Some students participating were members of SADD, while others had been selected to represent a range of opinions and experiences related to alcohol and drugs.

“The topic is really, really difficult to talk about,” said L-S teacher Sarah Greeley, who helped facilitate the event. “When I talk to kids in my class, they just want me to tell them what to do. It’s hard for us, but it’s hard for them, too. We’re not going to have THE answer for you tonight, but the important thing is to keep the conversation going.”

Introductory questions involved the overall climate on the subject – which substances were being used by teens, how widely, and how heavily. Students said that those who used substances chose alcohol, marijuana, tobacco products, and prescription drugs, in that order. All kids on the panel had either used these themselves or could attest that close friends had. Few kids they knew set out to binge drink, but drinking at parties ranged from light to heavy, they reported.

“I think there’s a low percentage of students that deliberately go above and beyond,” said one student. “Binging is kind of frowned upon. People just want to have fun.”

A central theme of the evening was student safety, with drinking and driving emerging as the biggest concern. Parents, students and facilitators all generally agreed that it was necessary for kids to have clear options for getting a safe ride home if they or their driver had been drinking. This might be from a parent with no questions asked, an older sibling, or the parent of a friend. Several kids mentioned that they already had a clear pact with their parents that they could always call for a ride, no matter what.

“They’d rather see me in the morning and be disappointed than not see me at all,” one student explained.

“I think what pushes people to drink and drive is the fear of consequences for drinking,” a second agreed.

Much emphasis was placed throughout the discussion on the importance of fostering an open relationship between teens and parents, in which kids feel they can tell the truth without excessive fear of punishment. But all acknowledged that this was tricky to navigate.

“So you want honesty,” one student said, “but if we tell you there’s going to be drinking at a party we’re going to? You’ll tell us we can’t go. What are we supposed to do?”

Several parents responded that they’d still rather know, so they could have the opportunity to share advice on how to keep drinking as safe as possible.

“Honesty is the best policy,” expressed one parent. “You don’t get in trouble for telling me the truth; you get in trouble for drinking and lying to me about it.”

Another parent explained that as tough as it can be to talk openly to adults about topics like substance use, kids today are lucky because it’s still a lot easier than a generation ago.

“Your parents are willing to engage in a dialog,” she said. “Don’t be afraid to discuss things with us, because we’ve been there, done that.”